When are you gonna grow up, man?
by Anand Menon
Many people outside youth ministry cannot appreciate the nature of the experiences of those of us who work on that field. Some of these people are adults in leadership positions of the church who have either never helped with their youth groups or who did it say
a hundred years ago!
These are the people who don't understand why the youth cannot simply be 'preached to' or asked to bow their heads, close their eyes and whisper prayers reverently. These are the leaders who think its ok for 'teen traumas' to be with them in the weekly regular church meeting. "If its ok for mommy and daddy, I cannot see where's the problem?" Ever since I began working with youth, I have come across a bevy of emotions and a barrage of questions from 'caring' elders that have sometimes got me wondering if it was the youth who actually needed help or
?"
Feeling a bit like Daniel, about to step into the lions den, I've put together some of the 'interesting' questions that have been directed my way and my response (though not often said aloud) to them:
So, you're a youth minister, huh? Qualifications? Child Psychology? Ability?
Whenever I tell people about my involvement with youth, it's inevitable that the questions begin and in a few cases, eyes sort of roll back into their heads. For the most part, a person's actually choosing to do this type of ministry is as inconceivable as a teenager's admitting that he or she doesn't know everything. The truth is, some teenagers actually do admit that they don't know everything (usually due to the efforts of a dedicated youth leader); and some lucky people are called to be full-time youth ministers.
When Hudson Taylor was recruiting people to go and minister to the lost in China, a one legged professor came forward to register. When asked as to why he felt he could be of use in China, his reply was simple: "because I don't see the ones with two legs registering to go!" He was selected.
I'd rather be a one legged youth minister minus qualifications than a two legged by-stander with a battery of accreditations!
Must be nice to have a ministry where its all play and no work!
Unfortunately, most people have the idea that youth ministry is all about playing with youngsters. They assume that the joy of what we do is in the "playing." Our real joy is a job well done. They fail to realize that our job is to build and equip youngsters to be high-quality Christians. While we're lucky enough to sometimes incorporate games into what we do, our primary purpose is to help teenagers discover who they are in Christ. They need to understand that they are sinners in need of a savior and that the Creator of the universe loves them personally. Leading them to discover that love can be the most exhilarating and challenging part of our jobs.
Anyone who is under the impression that all we do is think up new games for kids to play has never seen the real work behind the scenes: the late-night phone conversations, the sixty-hour workweeks, the tears shed over losses, and the countless hours on our knees in prayer. He or she often doesn't realize the many different hats we wear: budget guru; psychologist; negotiator; counselor; event planner; custodian; friend; confidant; office manager; volunteer coordinator; parliamentarian; creative expert; secretary; preacher; car driver; and, oh, yeah, champion Ping-Pong player. Others should be so privileged to "play" this much.
What's it like having a job where you don't have to grow up?
OK, I admit that I am probably responsible for this question. Chances are this person saw me with the pudding coming out of my nose or the goofy costume I wore for the skit at youth worship. Maybe she heard the latest teen CD blaring from my car stereo or noticed that I rarely wear anything other than jeans to work. But all these are tools of the trade that make me approachable to my students.
I don't try to be a teenager, but it is important that I relate to them. Teens today are struggling with adult issues. Statistics show that more and more teens are visiting pornographic websites; experimenting with sex, tobacco, alcohol, and other drugs. Some teens are illiterate when they graduate from high school. More and more students admit to cheating on tests and worry obsessively about getting into college and getting a job.
So although we seem immature at times, we are helping to guide teens through some pretty grown-up decisions.
Vacation? Weren't you just on a vacation a week ago?
The "vacation" referred to in this question was the latest response to my musing about the possibility of a youth retreat. For some reason, mention the word beach, park, or mountains, and people seem to think that your retreats are all about getting suntans, taking leisurely strolls through the manicured parks of the city, and sleeping late into the afternoon. What truly happens-amid searching for the youth who somehow didn't hear you say three times that the deep waters were off-limits, cleaning off three cans of spent shaving cream squirted meticulously into strategic locations, and searching for the lost couple at 2:00 a.m. who insist that they didn't realize what time it was-are some amazing things.
I think that others get the feeling that retreats are vacations because they don't get to see the changes occurring. Sometimes when our students return, they are different. Their behavior changes slightly. Maybe they clean their rooms without being asked to or go to church without the hassle of previous Sunday mornings. And just maybe, they have a desire for a closer walk with Jesus.
These changes don't happen magically. Some church members fail to realize that these changes happened due to the efforts of someone who has carefully planned and implemented the opportunities for the transformation. While God was the craftsperson, someone had to be the instrument God used.
When do you think you'll get a real job?
A real job? This is about as real as it gets. Usually, "real" means either a job as the senior pastor or a job in the secular field. In their minds, the role of youth pastor is reserved for a college student or a single person. They see youth ministry as a stepping-stone to another profession. Our job is perceived as something that anyone can do.
The truth is, not just anyone can do my job. Youth ministry is a 'called' profession. God has called us to relate to teens. Just as Moses was called to his task and was given the skills and support he needed, God has called and enabled us. Teens are a selective group. They don't open up to just anyone. They share their true, genuine feelings with only those who they believe care about and understand them.
Not everyone can understand teens, either. Think about it. How long has it been since you heard an adult in your church lament, "I just don't understand kids today"? And it's true, they don't understand. They haven't been 'called' to understand. God has called us to work with youth to bridge the gap between adolescence and adulthood. We have been chosen to help parents shape the lives of their teens through these critical years. What an awesome responsibility! I am thankful that God has not given that job to just anyone; God has given it to youth ministers.
Even though I hear these kinds of questions often, I know the importance of what needs to be done. So when people look at you (dear youth minister) with that disapproving look in their eye upon hearing what you do for ministry, do what I do. I just say, "Watch it, Buddy; I have twenty people at my disposal who can roll your house every night for the next month." That usually garners the respect I'm looking for.
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